there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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