Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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