nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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