I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
