WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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