screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
