you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
