You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
it was like eating out sand paper
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
