I'm really into asian looking animals
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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