About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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