$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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