dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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