Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
