hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
