We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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