Cold hands, warm shart.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
