nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
