My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
how does that bad decision feel?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
