My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
