You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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