How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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