We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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