Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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