I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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