its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
