I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
