four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
