im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
