Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
