i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
