I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
