I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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