I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
