well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
