Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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