I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
