The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
