We named our party play list daddy issues
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
