I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
