hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
