i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
