My girlfriend figured out who you are.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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