im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
