false alarm. still invincible.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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