at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
this is an emotional support booty call
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
