You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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