Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
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