is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
