I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
