If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
it's like iHOP with fire
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
