Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This baby is an asshole
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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